Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sometimes, you just need to chill...

Throughout this journey of mine, I've often written about how my mindset has changed. I'm definitely a more positive person (and let's be honest, I'm living a dream come true, so why wouldn't I be?), and I find joy in the simple things like never before. In particular, I've been pretty thrilled with my new physical abilities in the gym and out, plus with my general attitude towards exercise. I can't believe that I've embraced it over this past year, and that it's actually worked in my favour.

So really, I shouldn't be surprised that after fourteen months, I'm actually finding it more and more difficult to get out and exercise. Now, I must say, given the extremely cold and snowy winter we've had so far (today the mercury kissed -35 with the windchill), along with the seasonal darkness and my new duties at work (5 months in, and I routinely work 50+ hours per week), it's little wonder that my interest and energy are waining. But I'm pretty scared at the prospect of not catching the activity bug again, and hating exercise. I don't want that to happen, so I've been taking a rather controversial stance on it. I'm not forcing myself to get there, I'm giving myself a break. At first, when I skipped my workouts for an entire week, I felt supremely guilty. To be honest, I felt a bit like a failure, like I was letting myself down, not to mention all of the people who have supported my journey. But I had a chat with a good friend recently, and it changed my perspective.

This fabulous friend of mine does not exercise on a regular basis. She's one of the healthiest people I know in that she only eats organic food, makes everything from scratch, does not consume sugar or caffeine, and supplements her diet with all-natural herbs, remedies and caffeine-free teas. She also treats herself well, being careful to not use drugs to treat illness (if at all possible), and she makes a point to get enough sleep. Really, I aspire to be like her, because she seems to have it all together from a holistic standpoint. Now, from a physical perspective, she has had some injuries from a  long-ago car accident and finds traditional physical exercise too hard on her body, so besides the occassional aquafit class to get some good stretching in, she does not work out. When I mentioned one evening on our way out the door that I felt SO guilty for not going to the gym to work out, she helped me see the light. She said, "We are in the same position right now, leaving work without exercising. You feel guilty for not exercising, but I feel no guilt whatsoever. It just isn't something I can or want to do, so why make it worse by stressing over it? If you think not exercising isn't healthy, think of how unhealthy it is to create more stress (in the form of guilt) in your life."

Ah, epiphany! She's right. Here I am, over 100 lbs lighter than I was last year, feeling fantastic energy and excitement about life, and allowing myself to feel guilt over something that will most likely pass. Wow, am I nervey! I think (after mulling it over), that I should listen to my friend (and for that matter, the psycho-social staff at the gastric bypass clinic that I attend), and be gentler with myself. Rome wasn't built in a day, and if I'm in this for the long run, a temporary rest from activity until the weather clears or until I find another activity that sparks my interest, isn't the end of the world. In fact, some might argue that it's just the healthy break that I need to recharge my batteries.

My opinion was reinforced earlier this morning when I opened my daily "Note from the Universe" (to those of you unfamiliar, you can sign up for daily emails with great advice for living at http://www.tut.com/ ) only to find another gem. It reminded me that sadness, illness, and despair are less conditions than they are decisions to see yourself as less than you really are. There's nothing stopping me from choosing joy instead. In my case, I was choosing guilt over happiness and acceptance, and now that I see the light, I'll be choosing differently.

So I guess this post is a reminder to everyone that sometimes we can discard those "should do" lists and just be a little easier on ourselves. If you're a gastric bypass patient, the lesson is even more important - it's a long journey, and you can't be perfect all the time. Take heart in the successes you've celebrated so far, and know that there are more to come - at your own pace, and in your own time.

Cheers!